BAIT
On a tour of Florida, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing.
He was cruising along the beach in the Popemobile when there was a frantic commotion just off shore.
A helpless man, wearing a Chicago Cubs jersey, was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25-foot shark.
As the Pope watched, horrified, a speedboat came racing up with three men wearing St. Louis Cardinals jerseys aboard. One quickly fired a harpoon into the shark's side. The other two reached out and pulled the bleeding, semi-conscious Cubs fan from the water.
Then using (autographed by Albert Pujols himself) baseball bats, the three heroes in Cardinal Red beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat. Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach.
"I give you my blessing for your brave actions," he told them. "I heard that there was some bitter hatred between Cardinal and Cub fans, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not the truth."
As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies "Who was that?" "It was the Pope," one replied. "He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom."
"Well," the harpooner said, "he may have access to God's wisdom.. But he don't know shiit about shark fishing".
SAUDI ARABIA
A Cincinnati Reds fan, a Chicago Cubs fan, and a St. Louis Cardinals fan were all in Saudi Arabia performing military duty for the U.S. Army. While off base, they were caught sharing a smuggled case of booze. All of a sudden the Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime they were sentenced to death! With the help of good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, a benevolent Sheik decided that they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik said, "It's my 1st wife's birthday today, and she asked me to allow each one of you one wish before your whipping."
The Reds fan was 1st in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said, "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Reds fan was carried away bleeding and crying. The Cub fan was up next (he almost finished an entire 5th by himself), and after watching the scene, said "OK please fix 2 pillows to my back." But even 2 pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again, sending the Cub fan crying like a baby. The Cardinals fan was the last up (he had finished off the case), but before he could say anything the Sheik turned to him and said, "You support the greatest baseball team in the world. Your team's fans are the best and most loyal in the world. Because of this, you may have 2 wishes." "Thanks, your most royal highness" the Cardinals fan replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honorable, powerful man, you are also very brave," said the Sheik. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheik asked.
"Tie the Cub fan to my back."
YES THEY ARE FOR SALE
So I heard today that Disney is now interested in buying the cubs when they come for sale at the end of this year. This makes sense as they have plenty of money to do this plus they have a vested interest in sports (ESPN).
Supposedly they are really just looking for the next Mickey Mouse operation and the Cubs franchise is a perfect fit.
What do you call a Cub player with a World Series ring? A thief!
Why don't the Cubs have a website? Because they can't get 3 W's in a row!
