it hurts so bad, i dont think i can even put it into words.

I have had this feeling, this feeling of uneasyness in our relationship since friday, its almost like i could feel it coming. With each relationship you are suppossed to learn a lesson, what am i suppossed to learn with this?

I felt like after all this time, after everything "god" has put me through, i finally started to find some peace, some happiness, and then the icing on the cake... i met him... i felt like here, everything you ever wanted is handed to you, for all of your struggles... here.....

It was perfect... perfect from the start, i knew the day i might him i would fall in love with him, and wouldnt you know it, 3 weeks later, i was feeling it... i didnt say it... i wanted him to say it first.... but icouldnt hold it in anymore... i knew he loved me so i made the first move..... and i was right he was madly in love with me also....

I was happy... truly happy... he was happy.... not a day went by that we wherent laughing or smiling.... then i think we just started getting to comfortable with each other... things just moved fast.... we where smothering each other and we both started to feel it....

this past week has been rough... i could feel the tension between us. and finally it hit a breaking point. I wanted to fix it, I still want to fix it, when you hit a bump in a relationship you just dont call it quits... you fix it and move on.....

I havnt eaten anything since friday when he and i went to olive garden for lunch... we where so tense and when we sat at dinner, I felt like it was our first date again. we where laughing.. smiling... it just felt good. but that night... it just all boiled up and i could feel it.

these past week has been the hardest, i have woke up at 430 am everyday, im so used to waking up with him for work.

Im not even wearing make up anymore, whats the point i just cry it off.....

My whole day has changed... im so used to getting texts from him asking how my days going... asking if i want to hang out after work...

when you date someone, its almost like you become one person, what they do you do, what i do he does... and it shouldnt be that way, you need to keep some sort of your own identity, but it just becomes so easy, because your happy, and comfortable, and you feel good, because no matter what, no matter whose busy that day, or whose going out, you have someone, someone who wants to spend time with you.

i dont understand the point of even dating anymore, whats the point, you find someone, meet his family, fall in love.... see him in your future, build a bond, and then boom, its over, your never allowed to see each other, talk to each other, its almost like a death, but worse, because you run the possibility of running into him....

I have been praying for 2 days that he regrets this.... i just want him to call me... i want him back... im willing to do anything. i begged him for 2 hours, balled my eyes out for two hours..... i clung on to him... i felt so pathetic.... but i cant help it... im not a strong person.... i cant move on quickly..... and its only been 2 days, but its getting worse.

yesterday i took some pics at my cousins house to compare the difference, and i havnt loaded them yet, but my face is thinning out and you can see my rib cage again. when mike and i stopped seeing each other i lost 15 pounds in a week..... with rob, who knows.... i have no appetite... the thought of food makes me want to throw up... i tried to eat a taco yesterday from taco bell, i took one bite, spit itout, and threw the taco out the window.

i have never loved someone so much.... when you meet someone you just know... and he told me that..... he said why waste time.. be with the one you want....

it not fair, its not fair at all.... it hurts to breathe, it hurts to think, to close my eyes.... my body feels like its been hit by a truck....

can someone please tell me why this happens? people are asking me why.. why did this happen we where so happy... its a shock... like it just came out of nowhere...

i love you rob, and i miss you, i know its only been  week, but its that fear of never being with you again that is driving this missing you feeling.... if we where takign tim eapart, or just both really busy i would be like this.. but because its over... im devastated..... you tore my heart apart....