I wasnt planning on a blog today, but I was asked several times today how I felt about the Barry Bonds record-breaking home run. If you were to ask me a few weeks ago I would say that I was feeling a little sick upon hearning the news and most likely angry. Dont get me wrong, Im still pissed but now the countdown is on Alex Rodriguez. He has 500 home runs and just turned 32. So 756+ is only about 5-6 years away. Bonds is 43 so A-Rod doing it at 38 doesnt seem like a problem. So in that sense baseball will equal itself out there. But the Bonds ass-licking is getting on my nerves more. Lets bring out some of the "rumors" shall we?

-It has never been proven that Bonds took steroids.

This is 100% false. Bonds testified under oath a few years ago about sterioids and said that he has taken them but by accident. He said that his personal trainer Greg Anderson (also worked at Balco) gave him a muscle cream and flaxseed oil which was later found out to be Balco's new undetectable sterioids which are nicknamed "the cream" and the "clear." This info was leaked from the grand jury testimony and the lawyer that did it got 2 1/2 years in prison for it. The apologists use the fact that it was leaked as a reason for it to not be true. I will give Greg Anderson this, he is loyal even though his best friend called him out. Greg Anderson is in jail right now because he refuses to testify against Bonds. This testimony is what is currently keeping Bonds out of Jail himself for lying to Congress. Right now, they cannot prove that Bonds lied about taking Steroids with only leaked grand jury testimony, but they are damn well trying. However, Bonds will soon be indicted on seperate income tax problem.

-Bonds has never tested positive for steroids.

This is true. He was taking full blown steroids starting in the 1999 season, there was no testing in baseball at that time. Then he started taking the cream and the clear when baseball started testing. Both of those are designed not to be detected. He also takes the Human Growth Hormone which can only be detected with a blood test which baseball does not do. The olympics ar currently looking for an HGH urine test. once that is perfected, expect many pro players in every sport to test positive.

-So what if he took steroids, this doesnt help out his eyesight and other skills so he is still a great player.

The human growth hormone improves everything including eyesight. This combined with everything else he was on and you have a science project with a bat and not a baseball player.

-I dont care if he took steroids, people pay to see the home runs anyway.

This actually makes me sick. That was a common thing to say when congress was investigating steroids. People would also ask, "Doesnt Congress have better things to do?" Yes they do, but Congress is split into commitees and sub-commitees that deal with many every day issues without taking their eye off things like war. This particular commitee's problem was that if pro players take steroids then college players will take them because they think thats how you have to compete. If college players take them, then High School Players will take them to get a scolorship. If you need to take them to play high school ball, then parents will be doping their 6 year old because that could be their ticket to big money. This could be the reason Congress is interested. Also, they arent too happy about offering tax breaks and anti-trust exemptions to people who are making money off of illegal drugs. These things piss off people. So go ahead and not care now, but realize that the problem doesnt go away when the home run lands.

These are only a few examples of crap I have been hearing in the media and by other people to defend this guy. If you would like to read more about this, read the book "Game of Shadows." Dont confuse this with "The Book of Shadows" from "Charmed." Game of Shadows is a 2 year study by 2 San Francisco reporters which detailed Balco and their relationship with not only Bonds but many other athletes as well. The Bonds stuff will actually make you a little sick though. The human growth hormome was sold to Greg Anderson by a doctor who was double charging cancer patients for their HGH. The patient in the hospital would get their dose and Bonds would get his. If you dont feel like getting the book, you can get the cliffnotes here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Game_of_Shadows. I know its wikipedia, but this pretty accurate description of the book. It is also interesting to note that Bonds did in fact tell reporters that he will sue the authors of the book for libel. He did go to court but not to sue. He tried to keep the book off the shelves until they can research the book for themselves. The judge threw it out and said that if the book was untrue then he can sue for libel. Bonds cannot do that because he would have to say under oath that he didnt do any of that stuff. Well, thats perjury. If a person keeps going out of his way to say that people are writing false things about them and they decide not to sue, most likely the story is true. Thats a good tip for you to end this blog. Keep that in mind when you are about to put on your yellow "LIVE STRONG" bracelet. One of the side effects of steroids and blood thickening drugs (choice drug for cyclists) is damage to the family jewels or enlarged heart. Bye bye.

Now everybody is going to write the "Paris is out" blog and it will be the same stuff...will she be able to recover? Can she adjust to life on the outside? Blah Blah Blah...im not interested. I want to know if Punk'd has any balls. The show was ok at first but has lost its nerve. Ashton will earn my respect if he sends in the LA County Sheriff to arrest Paris again. Have the camera rolling and everything. Wouldnt that reaction be priceless? You can get her while she is driving. Pull her over and say that her license is still suspended and drag her out of the car and cuff her. This to me sounds like a good Punk'd gag. They could also go the extra mile and not tell her right away either. I would build a jail replica and have her sit there for a few hours with some interesting looking people that want things from her. Now thats a show.

I haven't been in this position in a while...the position of hammering in the final nails of the White Sox coffin before the All Star break. 2003 I believe was the last time and im trying to think of how I handled it. The thing I remember would have been rooting against the Cubs in their playoff season but I dont have that anymore. Once the White Sox won the series in 2005, I no longer hate the Cubs. I cant explain it but my Cubs hatred vanished. I still dont really like them although I do love several players as a baseball fan like I do with players on other teams. But back to the Sox...So even when they are bad, I always watched and suffered. But something happend this weekend that is kinda making me change my way of thinking. Friday I was busy planning a camping trip and got into a game of ping pong and before I knew it I missed the game. Saturday I was recovering from Friday and missed the game again. Sunday I had nothing going on but for some reason I thought that playing The Sims 2 Nighlife edition and watching a Dropkick Murphy's DVD was better option. I will tell you this, I felt a lot better about myself too. Yeah I hope the White Sox come back and win it all, but I am also a realist. I would much rather miss the big White Sox comeback than watch this lifeless team play.

For those of you who dont know me, I am an avid reader of the satirical newspaper "The Onion." If you are not familiar and need a good laugh, go to theonion.com and take a look. But this morning I saw this and laughed for about an hour. So I decided to share it with you.

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/with_all_due_respect_i_choose

 

I hope you enjoy this as much as I did.

 

TB Traveler...besides being a great name for a punk band, it is also the name that the media has given Andrew Speaker. He is the retarded lawyer who decided to travel around the world with a rare form of teberculosis. As usual this has caused an overreaction with people who find their way towards a live microphone. The blame lies with Andrew Speaker for traveling when told not to and to the customs agent who saw his name on a "do not travel" list and did nothing about it. Thats where the blame stops. One suggestion I heard on a national news station is to give the power to refuse flight to people who look sick to the TSA. Do you really want these people to have that kind of suggestive power? "Excuse me sir, but you look sick. You cant fly." Yeah and try to fight that ruling without being sent to Cuba.

Now to Cicadas. Why is this news? "Ok people, we have a bug that shows up every 17 years that has red eyes, sheds its outer shell, makes a loud noise, and is completely harmless...EVERYBODY PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" And if you watch the news they are almost done with the manditory cicada stories that should be fluff pieces but for some reason end up in the first segment. Did they get the "guy covered in cicada" story...check. Hows about the school children eating cicada story...check. Cicadas are a threat to national security? Still trying.

Why Havnt't you signed up for the Funteas the Greek fan club yet?

I was busy what with the Memorial Day Holiday and all.
I was unaware that I could sign up for it at themob1035kissfm.com/ftg.
I do not like his accurate travel times and enjoy being late to things.

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I guess I am getting much better at this American Idol thing, but I am not quite there yet. My goal is to not even know that the show is on anymore. I thought I was there last year, but this guy in my bowling league looked exactly like Taylor Hicks. This upset me because now I have a name of a contestant in my head. I just have to hope he gets voted off early. But then he won it, so I would have to hear more from him. Luckily enough, he was sticking to things I dont pay attention to. That is until he taped that Ford commercial. So every commercial break during the Sox game I had to see this moron. I thought all was lost...until this year. The first clue that the show was back on was the little foreign guy with the weird hair. Once he was off, I didnt hear anything else about it until this morning when I heard it was over. And the winner is......??????? Thats right, I dont know!!! I dont even know what the finalists look like!!!! Gender? I DONT KNOW!!!!! HA HA HA!!!! So next year, I need to improve on the results from this year. I need to eliminate 2 things...hearing about a specific person and finding out when the season finale is. This is my last reality show hurdle. Every other show is non-existant to me.

http://www.canada.com/victoriatimescolonist/news/life/story.html?id=4947ae58-aea3-44c1-92c0-1a184c216f78

(Click on the link and read this story.)

This has to be one of the better ideas that humans have ever had. No longer does a man have to bring his own beer to the laundromat when I wash my clothes. If this laundry/bar near Madison, Wisconsin catches on everywhere, you will be seeing full washers and dryers in all laundry facilities. Now I know what you are saying, if everybody is drunk, how do the clothes get done? Well, that is a problem best solved by drinking. See, it all works out. Now one of the things I like about Wisconsin is how they can splice together buildings. Ive been all over that state and Ive seen it everywhere. Hager City I saw a bar/post office. Somerset the rare bar/pancake house/strip club is popular. Looking back, all of the places involve alcohol and something you usually wouldnt find in a bar. Other things Ive seen mixed in with bars has been cheese shops, gas stations (which scared me), fast food, pretty uch any small town has a place like this. Thank you cheeseheads!!!

It is no real secret that I hate reality TV, but I am excited about a new CBS show that makes its debut on May 31st called Pirate Master. Basic premise of the show is that 16 contestants including former Kansas City Chief running back Christian Okoye compete against each other on a pirate ship for their chance to win the treasure. (by the way, if Okoye's pirate name isnt "The Nigerian Nightmare I am going to blow up my television). Now I havent heard about some of the activities that will be featured on the show but I can only imagine that these people will live like real pirates on the high seas. This should include but not be limited to sneaking into a Spanish fort and stealing guns, using said guns to sack a small town, pillaging houses, raping the women, killing the men, stealing ships, swashbuckling, force prisoners to walk the plank into shark infested waters, singing a sea chantey, one of these contestants better use a cutless to slide down an enemy sail or there will be one pissed off T Dub, by the last day everybody should have scurvy, at least 2 people should lose a hand at the wrist and be forced to install a hook on the end of their arm, another 2 need eye patches and not just for show...im talking missing eyes here, oooh oooh...rum....there better be lots of rum. Lets see, what else do pirates do...cruise ships. They have to attack a cruise ship or 2. Anything short of this I will be angry. Now I will be upset if they do something stupid such as film the show on a pirate ship and just do little games that make it seem like it may be pirate related and then focus the show on petty arguements and contestant relationships like they do in every other reality show. And boy I tell you I will be disappointed if there is some type of voting process to kick members off the ship because real pirates would just mutiny and throw people overboard. But hey, this is a network reality show so im sure full attention will be paid to historical detail.......Hold, on....I think im going to vomit a little.

http://www.brisbanetimes.com.au/articles/2007/05/09/1178390344008.html

This is a story about a very dedicated man. He stabs his 70 year old father to death before taking an electric chainsaw and cutting off his own head. Thats right, he cut off his own head!! He didnt take the easy way out by shoot himself or hunkering down in a building until the police killed him. This man not only chose to cut off this own head with a chainsaw, but he also had the will to go completely though. You see, sometimes when you try to cut off your own head, the artery bleeds out too fast and you are dead before you hit the spine. Not this man. All the way though baby!!

For 45 days, hotel heiress Paris Hilton will call the Los Angeles Century Regional Detention Center home. But hold on wait a minute just a second...she is going to appeal. Now lets disect this case shall we? She had her license taken away for drunk driving. Then she was pulled over for not having her headlights on with a suspended license. Her case? Her agent told her she can drive if it is work related. Well not only is that not a defense, it is a useless point anyway. If it were true that you can drive if it is work related...how is Paris Hilton going to prove that she was working? What was she doing, delivering pizza? Grabbing a latte at Starbucks, going to Chez Retarde for a quick 3pm lip wax, and buying a $4,000 purse sounds like work to you Paris, but normal people call those errands. So on to jail for you and try not to pass go on your way there please.

Yeah, she may not be staying at the Hilton, but there is a way to keep her comfortable. Make this a reality show. I hate reality TV, but I will tune in to watch Paris hide the crack from the guards because Yolanda is offering her protection. I would love to see Paris trade a pack of smokes for an extra cupcake. And a prison stay is not a prison stay unless she makes a margarita out of pruno. If you dont know what pruno is, look it up. Now isnt that a great idea for a show? You talk about ratings!! And to top it off, everybody wins. The network wins with the ratings, Paris remains marketable, and im sure the prison system gets some money out of it. How can this not be a good idea.

http://cbs2chicago.com/local/local_story_110105338.html?ic

In the above story, a girl from Gary,IN brought a flail to school to try to hurt another girl. This gave me some ideas. Take away the guns from the street gangs and give them these weapons. Wouldnt that be funny to watch. Drive by swordsmen, battle axes, and of course the flail's larger cousin...the mace. Yeah, thats warfare. Also, the chances of a stray sword swing of going through a window and hitting a toddler are a little less than an AK-47 bullet. Lets paint this picture for you. On one side of 103rd St you have the Rollin' Omelettes, dressed in yellow. The other side you got the Vice Grips with their trademark axle grease warpaint. They start off with a volley of arrows. Then the call goes out for the first line of OG Axe men to march into the center. They make their charge running across 103rd near the Baskin Robbins. Then the all out gang war begins. Flails, axes, swords, the omlettes have a trebuchet in a parking lot lofting rocks...oh the humanity. It looks like it ended in a stand off. That means it has come to a duel. Each leader gets on a bike and joust it out. It looks like the Omelette leader Big Huey G knocked down the Vice Grip leader Wirlwind Johnson. Well, it looks like the neighborhood and its lucrative high end ball point pen market belongs to the Rollin Omelettes. I think thats how inner city gang violence happens. Im not sure, I am from the suburbs.

 

 

 

 

Hello Mob, I have nothing to report now but I will be using this area to report on some of those stories that fall through the cracks. So be on the look out...or something.